one of the most frustrating things to my heart is continually telling my kids “i’m busy, just a minute, honey” and putting them off.  my heart has ached so many nights realizing that i never did give them my attention and had just tried to more keep them occupied.  and so, after years of this kind of a heavy heart, we finally went for it and decided to just leap!  and now for the first time, we are breathing.  in preparing to be out of our house  next week, we have spent pretty much every night the last week going through boxes that we’ve had in storage for years of things from our childhood.  letters, photographs, home videos, drawings and books.  it has been incredibly special.  i’ve sat on the floor of my closet with my hands full of photographs, some of my grandparents from when they were my age, during the war, when they were vibrant and desperately in love.  and photographs of me when i was a child, seeing so much of my own babies in my face.  reminiscing, grieving, with every emotion inside of me just dripping down my face.

we have had to make decisions of what to keep and it has been so eye opening.  so many meaningless things, so much money wasted.  we have our very special things, of course, but from now on we will not buy things just for the sake of buying.  no more buying random stuffed animals from target to keep them busy in the cart or having extras of anything.  we are having to be so very intentional and the children are watching.  they are seeing us choose them over the stuff.  they are surely experiencing the transition in different ways, we have had quite a few days with clingy little ones and tantrums (mostly because our hands have been so busy packing) but in the teaching part of this we are able to explain to them why we are making this life change.  we have talked so much about the fact that we will get to be together and they won’t have to have a babysitter, they won’t have to miss us.  that for at least the next six months, they are 100% our priority.  we have been brainstorming on ways to make the adventure even more fun… we plan to have our own little prouty family ‘adventure scouts’ with challenges and badges and such to keep everyone excited about the new destinations and such.  what’s that saying; that it will not be easy, but it will be absolutely worth it.  it is so true.

we talk about how what made our house a home was not the walls but the people.  and living in the trailer, we will be closer and time spent will be much more quality and with intention at every step.  we have had quite a few people ask us if we are worried about not getting enough alone time with all six of us living in one room and the answer is absolutely not.  we may need to take a breather and a walk alone every now and then but more than anything, we are so excited for this.  our children are never happier than when sharing a room together and here’s the thing… if i found out that one of us was diagnosed with something terminal, i would surely not want my space from any of them!  i would want to savor every single second.  and this is the point of this – the live like every day is our last.  to stop putting off our happy life.  to embrace the people that matter most and create a place for us all to grow closer, to laugh a lot more and to live life alongside of people instead of hiding out.

my oldest, gracie, will get to watch me photograph families along the way, and she will hear their stories too.  she will get to observe me living out my creative passion and being fulfilled as an artist and a woman, being able to share joy while providing for our family and our journey.  i hope she will treasure it all in her heart and pursue her passions wildly.

i am looking forward to sleeping next to my husband every single night.  so often in this house, we separate and work until the wee hours with one of us waking up the other on the couch in the morning.  i miss sleeping beside him.  that’s the good stuff.  and in the mornings the kids only have to walk a few steps to snuggle in to talk with us or tell stories rather than run straight to the television.  so much to look forward to.

so, thank you for embracing us and loving us and praying for us.  thank you for taking time out of your very busy days to encourage us.  we read every word, sometimes more than once.  this community of women, in particular, that i have connected with on instagram and by blogging is something so very special.  you get to see the strings that connect us and how we are all living somewhat parallel lives.  in the quiet of difficult days, you see that someone else gets it.  we aren’t nearly as alone as we thought we were.  i have been so blessed by you all.  our family is eternally grateful.  and we can’t wait to meet some of you along the way.  

don’t be afraid to DREAM BIG!

also, i wanted to share this amazing video with you about a spectacular human being, zach sobiech.  i watched this video of his last days living life to the fullest and haven’t been able to get it off of my heart and mind since.  i don’t often share things like this, but i was so changed by it that i cannot help but share it in hopes that it changes you too.  be prepared for a good cry.

our adventure itinerary:

june 3rd  - july 14th:  our journey begins!  northern california, oregon & washington and then back down to southern california.  the month of june is packed solid but we do have a few days in the first week of july where i could possibly book an oregon or northern california session.

july 14th – august 5th:  ventura county, california.

august 6th – 8th:   st. george & salt lake city, utah

august 10th – 12th:  jackson hole, wyoming

august 13th – 17th:  yellowstone, wyoming

august 18th – 23nd:  whitefish, montana

august 24th – 29th:  coeur d’ alene, idaho

august 31st – september 2:  san francisco, ca

september 3rd – 5th:  sacramento, ca

september 6th – 15th:  healdsburg, ca

september 16th – 21st:  central coast, ca

september 22nd – 26th:  thousand oaks, ca

september 27th – october 1st:  orange county, ca

october 2nd – 14th:  san diego & temecula, ca

october 15th – 18th:  prescott, arizona

october 21st – 23rd:  colorado springs, colorado

october 24th – 27th:  denver, colorado

october 29th – november 7th:  waterloo & iowa city, iowa

november 10th – 12th:  tulsa, oklahoma

november 13th – 16th:  oklahoma city, oklahoma

(we do plan to spend several weeks in the nashville, tennessee area at the end of december!)

november 18th:  austin, texas bound!  we are hoping to find a small, humble house with some land to lease somewhere in the texas hill country where we can park our trailer as a guest house, let the children run free, grow a big garden, get our first puppy and raise chickens, sheep, goats and maybe a cow (so a barn would be a bonus on the property too, lol).  i will still be shooting sessions and teaching mentorships and workshops out of austin and donny will be starting his own pool business in the area.  life will be slower and much more intentional.  we will still travel often and hope to visit the east coast in spring of 2014!

if you hear of any folks in the texas hill country with a little country house on some land that may be looking to lease it starting at the end of the year, please let us know!  ;)

we had our estate sale last weekend and we sold pretty much ALL of our stuff.  hundreds of people showed up to support us at our sale and buy our belongings and we felt so very loved.  there was a moment right before the sale started when i walked outside with the baby and meant to just welcome everyone, but when i opened my mouth to speak, only tears came out along with the kind of loud crying that doesn’t even make sense.  there haven’t been many moments in my life where i’ve been so overwhelmed with joy that all i’ve come up with is tears and it was a beautiful moment.  i looked around at all the faces of the people there just smiling back.  i saw old friends, new friends, past clients, my family, dancing children, daddies feeding their babies, and faces of friends i’d made online and finally got to meet for the first time in real life.  it was overwhelming.  i was mush.  and then to watch everyone just stream through our home and gather up things from our past, it was pretty surreal.  i remembered all the stories from the items we were selling and the happy faces of new owners and the homes they would all now be going to.  it felt so freeing!  when it was all over, donny and i sat down on the couch as the breeze was blowing through the house and we just looked at each other and smiled so big and cried again.  we agreed that we both just felt like we were doing exactly what we were supposed to be doing.  that the big picture was so much greater than all the stuff.  and that the weight of the world in having to manage all the stuff was suddenly just gone.  that saying is so true that less is more, so much more.

when people are asked if a fire was to start in their home, what would they grab first, the answer is usually their family and pets, the photographs and the things that are the most special.  and, well, that’s what we are doing.  we’ve got our babies, our old photographs and the equipment to take lots of new ones along the journey, and our most special belongings (quilts i’ve made for each child, their favorite toys, etc).  we’ve got enough clothes and household items for everyday living and we have the dream of living our happy life right in front of us.  we hope the kids remember this.  we hope that they don’t have to wait until they are “grown ups” to realize how beautiful simplicity is.

we have had so many beautiful moments in this bittersweet time of packing, sorting, boxing, giving and selling.  the kind of moments where the most important things in life are so blazingly clear.  it feels good to have less and to know we are that much closer to being free of the burden of debt and maintaining all the stuff.

and as for selling our house… we are in escrow!!!  it’s amazing the way that God works.  we always said that if we were meant to do this that God would allow our house to sell quickly.  i got an email randomly from a family that said they wanted to buy our house!  they came over and everything fell into place before we even got a chance to put it on the market.  and it is just the perfect fit for their family!  we put so much of our hearts into making this house a home and it feels so great knowing that this family will love all those details too.  pretty crazy how when you take a step in the direction you are supposed to go, that God aligns everything perfectly.  we close escrow at the end of this month, then shoot two weddings and then we will be living in the trailer, seeing the country, shooting family sessions and weddings along the way until the end of 2013!  i will be posting our travel dates and openings for family sessions along the way next week so stay tuned!  :)

here are photos from the day of our sale…

and some more photos of life around here the last week or so…

 gracie has spend lots of time in the backyard.  i know she will miss this happy space but we talk a lot about the amazing nature we are going to travel to soon! we planted these pink roses in our backyard when my grandma nina went to heaven.  it started as a tiny plant and it now taller than gracie and flourishing!  we will have to get us a little tiny rose bush for the trailer.  :) this son of mine… he is a baby lover.  he is absolutely crazy about his “Mabel Darling” as he calls her.  he loves to wear her in the carrier anytime i let him.  it melts me.  we are surely savoring our last few weeks in our home.  lots more photos coming soon.

so, miriam and her hubby came up with the idea of having a bit of a Beatles vibe to their shoot and i loved that because they feel like such hippies naturally.  she created the most fun “here comes the sun!” banner of lyrics and then we pulled a little bit of Abbey Road into the end.  the sunshine was just drenching them with loveliness as it set, i loved it so much.

 here comes the sun…  this mama rocks!!!  abbey road…

so, now i’m sure you’re thinking, “two adults and four kids (including a newborn) living in that tiny trailer for six months?!”   and at times, we feel the nerves start to creep in and we say that too!  but, honestly, we couldn’t be more excited!  for the last few years, we have felt so tied down by the high cost of living, never having any money in savings, working so hard and never being able to enjoy the downtime because we are so tired and, just simply, being sick of always feeling overwhelmed and busy.  and we also realized how tied down we are here by all our stuff!  stuff that accumulates for years and before you know it you have piles in every corner and don’t even know what’s there!  we are ready to live our happy life!  free of all the extra stuff!  free of the buckets of toys the kids never play with.  free of the six extra drawers of clothes that i haven’t worn in years.  free of all those things we were holding onto “just in case we may need it someday”.  free of the weight of it all.  we are keeping the essentials for daily life, special things to our hearts from family and friends, and each child has their own suitcase they can fill up with whatever they’d like for our journey.

when we in the trailer, life is simple.  we don’t all separate when we walk in the door and watch tv in separate rooms.  we are together (in a very small space), we are intentional, we cuddle, we interact, we play, we tell stories, we make up songs together and we build memories of their childhoods i hope they will always remember.  we are all happier in general and have to make a choice to laugh at the frustrating things instead of freaking out.  i’m so excited for our adventuring!  we are all especially excited about seeing some of the national parks!

i am going to be blogging once a week about how we are simplifying our stuff and our lives, how we are planning the logistics of it all, preparing for our travels and the move and how it’s all going!  also, i will be doing photo shoots along the way to help pay our way around the country, so if you are interested in a session along our route, i will be sure to update the blog with our travel plans as we make them!

we hope you are encouraged to do something that seems crazy.  to stop putting off your happy life.  and to do that thing you always dreamed of doing.  we are just a normal, “nice” family doing something that is out of the norm and it feels awesome.

and because i have been taking photos of my children nonstop this last month, here are some highlights from our last month… mabel’s first month of life!  most of these were taken with my fancy camera but there are a few instagrams mixed in here too.  starting first with a little shoot i did of my four (4!!!!) little ones out in the golden sunshine…

 i’m in love with this next one.  it seems almost as if brandon is painting that rainbow!  and here are some taken at home.  the grass in our backyard has grown so tall and green, it was almost as if spring welcomed mabel home.   baby stretches are pretty much my most favorite thing ever ever ever.   these kids just adore their baby. in this next one is gracie reading to clementine!  she’s a reader!  yay!  baby’s first bath.  it was quite an exciting event around here, everyone wanted to help.  loving this beautiful weather.  being outside makes everything seem better.  

by the way, if you are reading this and are a family living on the road, let’s be friends… we would love to hear from you!  :)

* super amazing volvo provided by Rust Vintage.