so we’ve been living this new normal for three months now. i wrote and erased that sentence five times there because while it is our life it still doesn’t exactly feel like home. i think the newness has worn off and the reality has set in. of being away from my mama. of not having roots secured. of feeling the beauty and the loneliness of living a country kind of life. it is unfamiliar. it is good. but that doesn’t mean it is easy. i’ve been talking to the kids here and there about “home” lately. what it means. how to define it to each of them. it’s a strange thing to just pick a place for six people to put down roots, to create new memories, to grow as individuals and as a family. and i think the best thing i have come up with is that viewing this life in seasons rather than an absolute beginning/middle/end is the best choice for my soul. the kids are happy, there is no question. they are so resilient and their imaginations are on fire, no matter what season i find that we are in. but for me, inside my soul and outside our current walls, it is winter.
we arrived in this new place at the tail end of fall. we drove into our new life so tired of transitioning and not having had a home for consistency and rest. we arrived in a season of color and change and into a world we had never known was a possibility. we ran free, we gathered walnuts and apples and soaked in the setting sun. and then the leaves began to fall until the trees were bare and the apples were rotted. instead of exploring we had to come inside and we have been hibernating in a sense. enjoying having a house. the possibility for naps. the ability to cook healthy meals for my family and have a table to gather around and linger. the baby took her first steps a few weeks back in this new house. the roots are beginning to grow, to take hold. but she hasn’t walked since and so we wait. we hibernate, waiting for spring and something new that we know is coming but we aren’t quite sure what it will look like here or when it will arrive. our wandering hearts are craving adventure again. we went from one extreme to the other and while we do not yearn to live on the road again, we have this thing inside of us that needs to breathe in nature to be calmed and inspired. i am anxious for the apple and cherry blossoms to explode on our trees. i’ve dreamed of seeing that my whole life. but until then we make fires, we prioritize, we think and talk and create and hope that we are making the right choices every single day.
today i went and bought tulip bulbs for the first time. i am going to plant them. i am going to be intentional and put down roots, even tiny ones, with hope that those blooms will come up if i just do the work instead of standing still (which can be so very easy to do when things feel heavy). no matter what life you choose, it is in the deciding every day not to let it all turn to rubble where is hope is found.
galatians 6:9 says, “and let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” i know that even loneliness has purpose. and if it is chasing me to His Word, i can imagine no better reason. i am clinging to that promise and i am clinging to my babies. here are some pictures of life in our current season…